Last night I joined a dating site.
I was on Tinder before Christmas but that was brutal. So now that I’m better I’ve joined OK Cupid to see what it’s like. Dip my toe in the water if you like. I went on in a naive dating bubble thinking I’d have a look and see if I liked anyone. Maybe go on a date or two, you know, if I liked the look of someone enough. What I didn’t do was set any boundaries in my head, know what I was looking for, or expect the kind of messages one gets from men who aren’t hindered by face to face contact.
People started messaging me straight away. I didn’t know that’s how it works so I replied politely to them all to start with but as the day has worn on I’ve ignored them more and more. And I’m already over the guilt of doing that. I very much doubt it’s only me they’re messaging. I’ve set a parameter on overtly sexual or misogynistic content and don’t reply at all. If it’s someone I’ve liked and then they message me I reply providing they aren’t too familiar straight away. There’s chatting and then there’s being presumptuous.
As far as boundaries on what I’m looking for, I’m eliminating health freaks – no point setting myself up for that – anyone I don’t like the look of, anyone with a shot of their underwear as their profile picture, and anyone exactly the same age as my ex husband. The last one is pointless and I’ve scrolled past a few lovely looking faces because of their age, but I have to draw a line somewhere.
Practically speaking, I’m being sensible and only agreeing to meet people in public. I say people but I’ve only agreed to meet one man so far. He seems nice so I gave him my number. I suspect this may be something I learn not to do again, although it seems standard and practical once you’ve arranged a date to have their number. At least he hasn’t asked for a picture of my bum.
I wonder when I should tell him about the cancer. The miscarriage. The breakdown. And the break up. Probably save that til the second date…