True story. Although I’m strangely not angry with the cancer. Just about other trivial things that normally wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, let alone an emotion. Having spent all day Saturday raging in a furious storm for being wrongly accused of something, and then screaming at the cat today for walking on the kitchen floor RIGHT WHILE I WAS STILL BLOODY CLEANING IT, I realise that I am getting angry for no reason. But the reason is probably that I have cancer. The cat always walks on the kitchen floor when I’m cleaning it, it’s one of her favourite feline activities. As soon as she sees that bucket being filled with water she makes sure to not only cover the wet floor with her paw prints, but also to go outside and come straight back in again with muddy paws. It never normally creates more than a sigh and a withering look in her direction, but today I was swearing profusely at her, which although I was angry, made me feel a bit better.
I am fairly certain that a cursory search on Google would reveal that this is perfectly normal and most people recently diagnosed with cancer go through a stage of anger. The cat seems to have accepted it anyway. I’m also fairly certain that I can explain exactly why I am getting angry but I can’t be arsed. I don’t want to feel angry. I don’t like it, it’s irrational and out of control and not me. I get irate at times, when people do stupid things (driving like a dickhead near me will illicit a rant, as will not moving your stupid slow arse away from the checkout while you fuck about counting your money and reading your receipt – because it’s not like there’s anyone else waiting you selfish prick – and likewise, when the cashier starts putting my shopping down while the stupid slow prick is still standing in the way so I can’t get on and pack it – just wait for the knob cheese to move please) but I don’t get angry, not really insanely, uncontrollably angry. So it must be the cancer. I don’t need to Google it. I just need to get over it. I am considering taking up cannabis or just popping tamazepan if this continues, because I doubt it’s healthy to be furious.