Waking up from another fitful night’s ‘rest’ this morning I found a Tweet from a friend about this story breaking. And it has put a smile on my face. I just hope the NHS acts quickly, but at least if my Primary Care Trust refuses funding I will now have something to beat them with. It may be too late if they do refuse because I have to make a decision – and start the chemo – within 4 weeks if I’m going to do it and that doesn’t leave long for a cycle. But my oncologist painted a picture that I can literally be off the bed where my eggs have just been harvested and into the chemo chair within an hour if needs be. 

I’m still not sure if I want to do the chemo. There are so many pros, cons and what ifs, and I seem unable to remain determined on a particular course of action for more than 5 minutes at a time. But having spent Saturday night repeatedly telling everyone within a 2 mile radius that I wasn’t going to do it, partly in an effort to convince myself that is definitely what I want, I have concluded that I need to talk to the people who are really going to be most affected by my decision. My children, Nate, my parents and my brothers. I need to make the decision myself obviously, but I want to make it taking into consideration how they all feel. And then I have to learn to live with whichever path I choose. And that is the daunting prospect. I am not an oncologist or a pathologist so I’m not making a fully informed decision. My decision will be subjective and emotional and I don’t like that.